Tag Archives: emotional intelligence

ADVANCED COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Effective communication insights  : 7 ways to sharpen rapport

CLOUD LIGHT WEB
A few insights to help build rapport and by no means an exhaustive list :
 
* Take a genuine interest in getting to know what is important to the other person. Start to understand them rather than expecting them to understand you first.
* Pick up on the key words,favourite phrases and way of speaking that someone uses and build some of these appropriately and subtly into your conversation
* Be aware of how someone likes to handle information. For example, do the like lots of fine detail or just the big picture. As you speak feedback information in this same portion size
* Keep looking out for the other person’s intention-their underlying aim- rather than what the initially do or say. They may not always get it right,but expect their heart to be in the right place.
* Respect the other persons time,energy,interests,people – they will be important resources for them
* Adopt a similar stance in terms of body language, gestures,voice tone and speed
* Breathe in unison with them

Learning point: 

It is worth reflecting on how you engage with other people and to what extent you set out to develop a strong rapport by linking into and understanding their agenda. Not in a way that you turn it on and off like a tap – but as part of a built in communication skill delivered with unconscious competence 

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REACHING AGREEMENT

When aiming to reach agreement:

  • Genuinely seek to find points of agreement in what the other person is saying 
  •  If you just agree with everything there is no contribution
  • To disagree at all times is annoying and irritating 
  • There is no need to be right all of the time so try to control your ego during discussion and focus on the subject matter
  • Make a real effort to understand where the other person is coming from.What is that persons logic world?
  • Consider if there are circumstances where the other persons view might be right, express these circumstances clearly and show your agreement for those specific areas.
  • Acknowledge the value of someone’s special experience and treat this as a strong possibility but not necessarily complete
  • Reject a sweeping generalisation but see If you agree with any aspect of that generalisation when it is more fully explored

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How to Really Understand Someone Else’s Point of View by Mark Goulston and John Ullmen

The most influential people strive for genuine buy in and commitment — they don’t rely on compliance techniques that only secure short-term persuasion. That was our conclusion after interviewing over 100 highly respected influences across many different industries and organizations for our recent book.

These high-impact influencers follow a pattern of four steps that all of us can put into action.

  1. Go for great outcomes
  2. Be aware of your blind spots
  3. Engage others in “their there.”
  4. Then – Step 4: When you’ve done enough… do more. 

To understand why  step 3 is so important, imagine that you’re at one end of a shopping mall — say, the northeast corner, by a cafe. Next, imagine that a friend of yours is at the opposite end of the mall, next to a toy store. And imagine that you’re telling that person how to get to where you are.

Now, picture yourself saying, “To get to where I am, start in the northeast corner by a cafe.” That doesn’t make sense, does it? Because that’s where you are, not where the other person is.

Yet that’s how we often try to convince others — on our terms, from our assumptions, and based on our experiences. We present our case from our point of view. There’s a communication chasm between us and them, but we’re acting as if they’re already on our side of the gap.

Like in the shopping mall example, we make a mistake by starting with how we see things (“our here”). To help the other person move, we need to start with how they see things (“their there”). 

For real influence we need to go from our here to their there to engage others in three specific ways:

  1. Situational Awareness: Show that You Get “It.” Show that you understand the opportunities and challenges your conversational counterpart is facing. Offer ideas that work in the person’s there. When you’ve grasped their reality in a way that rings true, you’ll hear comments like “You really get it!” or “You actually understand what I’m dealing with here.”
  2. Personal Awareness: You Get “Them.” Show that you understand his or her strengths, weaknesses, goals, hopes, priorities, needs, limitations, fears, and concerns. In addition, you demonstrate that you’re willing to connect with them on a personal level. When you do this right, you’ll hear people say things like “You really get me!” or “You actually understand where I’m coming from on this.”
  3. Solution Awareness: You Get Their Path to Progress. Show people a positive path that enables them to make progress on their own terms. Give them options and alternatives that empower them. Based on your understanding of their situation and what’s at stake for them personally, offer possibilities for making things better — and help them think more clearly, feel better, and act smarter. When you succeed, you’ll hear comments like, “That could really work!” or “I see how that would help me.”

An example:

An interesting example involves Mike Critelli, former CEO of the extraordinarily successful company, Pitney Bowes. Mike was one of the highly prestigious Good to Great CEOs featured in the seminal book by Jim Collins on how the most successful businesses achieve their results.

One of Mike’s many strengths is the ability to engage his team on their terms to achieve high levels of performance and motivation. When we asked him about this, he said, “Very often what motivates people are the little gestures, and a leader needs to listen for those. It’s about picking up on other things that are most meaningful to people.”

For example, one employee had a passing conversation with Mike about the challenges of adopting a child, pointing out that Pitney Bowes had an inadequate adoption benefit. A few weeks after that, he and his wife received a letter from Mike congratulating them on their new child — along with a check for the amount of the new adoption benefit the company had just started offering.

When he retired, the Pitney Bowes employees put together a video in which they expressed their appreciation for his positive influence over the years. They all talk about ways that Mike “got” them — personal connections and actions that have accumulated over time into a reputation that attracted great people to the organization and motivated them to stay.

When you practice all three of these ways of “getting” others — situational, personal, and solution-oriented — you understand who people are, what they’re facing, and what they need in order to move forward. This is a powerful way to achieve great results while strengthening your relationships.

When you’re trying to influence, don’t start by trying to pull others into your hereInstead, go to their there , by asking yourself:

  • Am I getting who this person is? 
  • Am I getting this person’s situation? 
  • Am I offering options and alternatives that will help this person move forward? 
  • Does this person get that I get it?

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IMPROVING THINKING SKILLS AND ABILITY

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We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.  Albert Einstein

When working with clients it often emerges that the quality of their thinking is causing blocks to desired progress. Our focus then switches to better understanding how the client processes information and makes decisions to help move forward.

A THINKING LEVELS PERSPECTIVE

Common to all subjects and levels is the concept of higher and lower order thinking skills. Higher order skills are considered to be more complex than lower order skills. The triangle model provides a useful way to visualise the relationships between some of the key skills. The complexity of the skills increases from the base to the top of the list below

Although the skills are arranged in a hierarchical way, they are all important. Much of the thinking we do involves a mixture of skills at different levels. We develop and use them simultaneously, for example, when we are solving problems and analysing case studies.

It is possible to extend and develop higher order thinking skills – to develop thinking at a qualitatively higher level, to move into a higher gear.

The specific skills in each area are shown in this list  here:

Evaluate           judge, appraise, choose, rate, assess, estimate, value, measure, criticise

Synthesise      formulate, teach, design, develop, re-define, propose, create

Analyse           distinguish, differentiate, calculate, debate, relate, compare, experiment, contrast, examine

Apply             demonstrate, schedule, operate, sketch, employ, use, practice

Comprehend  restate, identify, discuss, locate, recognise, review, explain, tell, clarify

Know             recall, define, state, list, repeat, name, recount, present, find

2. REVIEWING SOME ASPECTS OF YOUR THINKING

 

Activity 1 Complete a simple audit covering the ways you think

Personal statements Always Sometimes Never
I see myself as open and fair minded.
I am curious to find out about things.
I am really interested in a specific subject
I relate ideas to previous knowledge, experience and wider contexts
I look for patterns and relationships between things.
I like to ask questions and not accept things at face value
I don’t rush to make judgements or have opinions on things.
I like to look at all sides of an argument or issues before coming to a conclusion
I am persistent and like to get to the bottom of things.
I don’t like situations where people just state opinions without giving reasons or evidence
I like to find things out for myself and come to my own conclusions on things
I like to be creative and innovative.
I take time to reflect on things/my own thinking
I like clarity, order and precision
I think strategically about things
Any statement you wish to add
Any statement you wish to add

Activity 2 Use the table again to map where you would like to be and consider the gapsand then reflect on any learning gained using the table below

Reflection – what I have noticed? Action – what I will do?
What have you learned in terms of potential limitations?Do the limitations matter right now in your life?/if so consider next step actions……
What have you noticed in terms of strengths?Do you want to develop these strengths further?Consider what you might do to achieve this

 

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. A person cannot help but be in awe when they contemplate the mystery of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one merely tries to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.

(Albert Einstein)

  1. Questions to develop skills at different levels of thinking
LEVEL OF THINKING EXAMPLES OF QUESTIONS
Knowledge and understanding What? Who? When?What is an example of x?What is meant by …..?

What is another way of explaining..?

Is this an example of …?

Can I describe x in my own words?

Application How is it used?What does it relate to?In what situations …?
Analysis Why? How?What is the reason for ….. ?What evidence is there to support the conclusion?

What are the causes of …?

How do … fit together?

Synthesis If x happens, then what next?What does the theory predict will happen?What are my own conclusions on the basis of the information available?

How does x relate to y?

Evaluation Is this good or not and why?Is this reasonable or not and why?
  1. GIVING STRUCTURE TO THINKING

 

Two common thinking problems are: a feeling of not being able to ‘see the wood for the trees’, and difficulty in being logical and orderly. The key to solving them is being able to think about ideas and information in a conceptual and systematic way so that you have ways to structure your thinking.

This can involve:

  • looking at the broader context
  • developing mental models and frameworks to hang ideas and information on
  • Being able to distinguish relative importance and seeing patterns and relationships.

Other ways might be based on:

  • chronology,
  • complexity,
  • spatial organisation,
  • positive and negative aspects,
  • pros and cons,
  • familiar and unfamiliar,
  • from top to bottom of an organisational structure.

In some cases, the component parts of something work together to form a system, for example arteries, veins and capillaries work together to form the blood circulatory system in the body.

  1. USEFUL THINKING MODELS

 

USING DANCE

 

For example, the DANCE system (Rose and Nicholl, 1997) is one of many tools for solving problems.

D – Define and clarify what the problem really is (sometimes it is not initially clear). What are your goals?

A – Think of a range of alternative ways of solving the problem.

N – Narrow down the range of possible solutions to leave the best.

C – Choose the ideal solution and check what the consequences might be.

E – Effect action using the best solution.

 

 

 

USING VISUAL TOOLS

 

Organising thought can be assisted greatly by the use of visual tools.

These can include:

  • diagrams,
  • mind-maps,
  • tables,
  • graphs, time lines,
  • flow charts,
  • sequence diagrams,
  • decision trees
  • story boards
  • rich pictures
  • or other visual representations.

The process of making visual representations can itself involve using and developing a range of thinking skills, particularly higher order skills. So, whether you need the resulting product or not they can be worth doing. However, the resulting product can also provide an effective way of communicating your thinking to others. In fact, sometimes it can be very hard not to use a diagram – drawing or referring to a map, for example, makes it much easier to give directions.

Mind-mapping can be a particularly powerful visual tool for shaping thought. The basic principle here is to note down the central topic or idea in the centre of a piece of paper and work outwards adding the points which flow from and connect to it. It is particularly helpful for seeing the different

levels of thought.  Here is a mind map example by someone planning to write an essay on memory.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

 .At this stage, you may find it useful to consider how ideas like these can be put together in ways that will help you when you engage in activities such as reading, writing, speaking and listening.

Here is a checklist to use when making judgements about things that you hear, see and experience.

  • Who is speaking or writing?
  • What is their point of view or perspective?
  • What ideas and information are presented and how were they obtained?
  • Are there unsupported assertions?
  • Are reasons or evidence provided?
  • Are the reasons and evidence given relevant?
  • Is the method used to find the evidence sound?
  • Is the evidence correct or valid?
  • What assumptions have been made?
  • What is fact and what is opinion?
  • What are the implicit and explicit values?
  • Are there unreasonable generalisations?
  • What has been omitted?
  • How was the conclusion reached?
  • Is the conclusion reasonable?
  • What other perspectives or points of view could there be?
  • You may be able to think of more points to add to this list.

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RESOURCES -more insights

Listening Skills

Empathy

Thinking Errors

Thinking Skills

We Are Our Thoughts

9 Mind blowing epiphanies

Critical Thinking – check your style and reasoning

10 Things To Stop Doing Now

Developing Resilience

SEE MORE ON IMPROVED THINKING IN MY FLIPBOARD MAGAZINE

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT : OPEN UNIVERSITY- OPEN LEARNING- DEVELOPING THINKING SKILLS

CRITICAL THINKING OUTSIDE THE CLASSROOM – Scientific American

IMG_1573 Peter Cobbe Coaching

  • NOW ACCEPTING NEW CLIENTS : Coaching via Skype / Facetime / 1 to 1 meetingsMy career experience includes HR Director and senior executive roles in Barclays plc and Tesco plc leading major transformation and complex change programmes reporting at Board level .I have an MBA, BA and I am a member of the CIPD and Association for Coaching. I am an accredited coach with over 12 years of private client coaching experience and as an associate consultant with Penna (UK) dealing with career, life,executive and business coaching and counselling. I work in mentoring and coaching partnerships with executives to help achieve gains of importance to them.I help people of all ages, different cultures and job levels to understand more about themselves, their impact on others and how to develop across major dimensions in life.
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Just a thought :

Five frogs are sitting on a log.
Four decide to jump off. How many are left? 

Answer: five. Why? Because there’s a difference between deciding and doing.

Mark Feldman

For a free exploratory discussion on 1 to 1 or Group Session coaching contact me on:

cobbep@gmail.com

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The Importance of Empathy

THE IMPORTANCE OF EMPATHY

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The Importance of Empathy

What is Empathy?

Empathy is the ability to come alongside someone, and not only see a person’s point of view, but also experience the other person’s feelings and emotions. You go beyond , for example, feeling sorry for that person, since that would be sympathy. And go deeper, seeking to understand that person in greater depth. It is an ability that you can acquire if you make the effort

Empathy is the skill to understand the emotions of people and to treat them according to their emotional reaction. This skill is closely linked with emotional intelligence which is basically analysing, assessing and managing the emotion of oneself and others. So by developing and practicing this skill not only you resolve someone’s problems but also win their hearts.

What Does Empathy Do?

Empathy soothes. Empathy heals. Empathy fills the gap; empathy is like the “Super Glue” of good relationships. It can pull you tightly to others and keep you together in all kinds of trouble.

Imagine – Use your imagination in several ways to your advantage.

  1. One way is to imagine yourself in that person’s situation. Really take time to think through how you would feel if you were in that person’s shoes—especially regarding the feelings they are experiencing.
  2. Another way is to imagine the person as a child. If you have photos of the person as a child, use them to help you visualise. Often when we consider the person in the vulnerable stage of childhood, our defenses tend to lower and lessen.

Nurture the Relationship

Make a point to regularly practice caring behaviors with this person. When you act lovingly or caringly toward someone, it actually increases your feelings of love and care, as well as, your ability to empathise with that person.

Set Aside Your Beliefs, Concerns and Personal Agenda

When you are dealing directly with others, go into the conversation empty handed—with no personal expectations or goal of fixing them. Your only agenda is listening to their feelings and trying to understand their point of view.

Identify with Their Experiences

When someone begins to share, focus on the feelings and situations that you’ve experienced in the past that are similar. This will deepen your emotional insight into the other person’s issues or plight.

Gain Personal Perspective

This method involves working on your personal identity. In other words, you need to learn who you are separate from the other person. If you do not have a clear sense of identity, then you can become “enmeshed” (emotionally entangled and dependent upon the other person) and will tend to take things too personally. When you take things personally, you cannot separate yourself enough to feel the other person’s issues. Begin to practice emotionally detaching—not allowing the other person’s negative behavior to determine your mood or choices. In time, you will gain a greater sense of identity and separateness that will offer you the advantage of perspective.

INTERESTING PERSPECTIVE:

Habit 1: Cultivate curiosity about strangers

Highly empathic people (HEPs) have an insatiable curiosity about strangers. They will talk to the person sitting next to them on the bus, having retained that natural inquisitiveness we all had as children, but which society is so good at beating out of us. They find other people more interesting than themselves but are not out to interrogate them, respecting the advice of the oral historian Studs Terkel: “Don’t be an examiner, be the interested inquirer.”

Curiosity expands our empathy when we talk to people outside our usual social circle, encountering lives and worldviews very different from our own. Curiosity is good for us too: Happiness guru Martin Seligman identifies it as a key character strength that can enhance life satisfaction.

Cultivating curiosity requires more than having a brief chat about the weather. Crucially, it tries to understand the world inside the head of the other person. We are confronted by strangers every day, like the heavily tattooed woman who delivers your mail or the new employee who always eats his lunch alone. Set yourself the challenge of having a conversation with one stranger every week. All it requires is courage.

Habit 2: Challenge prejudices and discover commonalities

We all have assumptions about others and use collective labels—e.g., “Muslim fundamentalist,” “welfare mom”—that prevent us from appreciating their individuality. HEPs challenge their own preconceptions and prejudices by searching for what they share with people rather than what divides them.

Habit 3: Try another person’s life

So you think ice climbing and hang-gliding are extreme sports? Then you need to try experiential empathy, the most challenging—and potentially rewarding—of them all. HEPs expand their empathy by gaining direct experience of other people’s lives, putting into practice the Native American proverb, “Walk a mile in another man’s moccasins before you criticise him.”

George Orwell is an inspiring model.  After several years as a colonial police officer in British Burma in the 1920s, Orwell returned to Britain determined to discover what life was like for those living on the social margins. “I wanted to submerge myself, to get right down among the oppressed,” he wrote. So he dressed up as a tramp with shabby shoes and coat, and lived on the streets of East London with beggars and vagabonds. The result, recorded in his book Down and Out in Paris and London, was a radical change in his beliefs, priorities, and relationships. He not only realized that homeless people are not “drunken scoundrels”—Orwell developed new friendships, shifted his views on inequality and gathered some superb literary material. It was the greatest travel experience of his life. He realised that empathy doesn’t just make you good—it’s good for you, too.

We can each conduct our own experiments. If you are religiously observant, try a “God Swap,” attending the services of faiths different from your own, including a meeting of Humanists. Or if you’re an atheist, try attending different churches! Spend your next vacation living and volunteering in a village in a developing country. Take the path favored by philosopher John Dewey, who said, “All genuine education comes about through experience.”

Habit 4: Listen hard—and open up

There are two traits required for being an empathic conversationalist.

One is to master the art of radical listening. “What is essential,” says Marshall Rosenberg, psychologist and founder of Non-Violent Communication (NVC), “is our ability to be present to what’s really going on within—to the unique feelings and needs a person is experiencing in that very moment.” HEPs listen hard to others and do all they can to grasp their emotional state and needs, whether it is a friend who has just been diagnosed with cancer or a spouse who is upset at them for working late yet again.

But listening is never enough. The second trait is to make ourselves vulnerable. Removing our masks and revealing our feelings to someone is vital for creating a strong empathic bond. Empathy is a two-way street that, at its best, is built upon mutual understanding—an exchange of our most important beliefs and experiences.

Habit 5: Inspire mass action and social change

We typically assume empathy happens at the level of individuals, but HEPs understand that empathy can also be a mass phenomenon that brings about fundamental social change.

Just think of the movements against slavery in the 18th and 19th centuries on both sides of the Atlantic. As journalist Adam Hochschild reminds us, “The abolitionists placed their hope not in sacred texts but human empathy,” doing all they could to get people to understand the very real suffering on the plantations and slave ships. Equally, the international trade union movement grew out of empathy between industrial workers united by their shared exploitation. The overwhelming public response to the Asian tsunami of 2004 emerged from a sense of empathic concern for the victims, whose plight was dramatically beamed into our homes on shaky video footage.
Beyond education, the big challenge is figuring out how social networking technology can harness the power of empathy to create mass political action. Twitter may have gotten people onto the streets for Occupy Wall Street and the Arab Spring, but can it convince us to care deeply about the suffering of distant strangers, whether they are drought-stricken farmers in Africa or future generations who will bear the brunt of our carbon-junkie lifestyles? This will only happen if social networks learn to spread not just information, but empathic connection.

Habit 6: Develop an ambitious imagination

A final trait of HEPs is that they do far more than empathize with the usual suspects. We tend to believe empathy should be reserved for those living on the social margins or who are suffering. This is necessary, but it is hardly enough.

We also need to empathize with people whose beliefs we don’t share or who may be “enemies” in some way. If you are a campaigner on  global warming for instance, it may be worth trying to step into the shoes of oil company executives—understanding their thinking and motivations—if you want to devise effective strategies to shift them towards developing renewable energy.

Empathising with adversaries is also a route to social tolerance. That was Gandhi’s thinking during the conflicts between Muslims and Hindus leading up to Indian independence in 1947, when he declared, “I am a Muslim!  And a Hindu, and a Christian and a Jew.”

Organisations, too, should be ambitious with their empathic thinking. Bill Drayton, the renowned “father of social entrepreneurship,” believes that in an era of rapid technological change, mastering empathy is the key business survival skill because it underpins successful teamwork and leadership.

The 20th century was the Age of Introspection, when self-help and therapy culture encouraged us to believe that the best way to understand who we are and how to live was to look inside ourselves. But it left us gazing at our own navels. The 21st century should become the Age of Empathy, when we discover ourselves not simply through self-reflection, but by becoming interested in the lives of others. We need empathy to create a new kind of revolution. Not an old-fashioned revolution built on new laws, institutions, or policies, but a radical revolution in human relationship

 SEE ALSO LISTENING SKILLS

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Insights on Establishing Credibility

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Our character…is an omen of our destiny, and the more integrity we have and keep, the simpler and nobler that destiny is likely to be. George Santayana (1863 – 1952),

 

ALSO SEE DEVELOPING RESILIENCE

Insights on establishing Credibility

Unlike height or weight, your measure of credibility isn’t an objective measure. It is not something you either have or you don’t.
Credibility is more like a linear scale on which others give you a rating. It is a perceived quality, one that people assign to you based on the complex interplay of a number of elements.
Identifying the elements of credibility is important because a high score on one or two elements does not guarantee a high credibility rating. It’s the interplay that matters. For example, experts are usually considered highly credible, unless or until they are perceived as biased or self-serving. Lack of integrity can cancel out the positive impact of expertise.
It is worth considering five elements of credibility and to examine your impact in light of these elements. Give yourself a score between one and ten on each of these elements based on how you think others perceive you—

1. Integrity,
2. Competence,
3. Sound judgment,
4. Relational sensitivity,
5. Likeability

Aim to rate yourself on what others can observe rather than on what you intend. Once you see your strengths and weakness, you can take positive steps to boost your credibility in the eyes of others.


Credibility Element 1: Integrity

A key element of credibility involves transparency, trustworthiness, and moral predictability. We feel good about people who embody the phrase, “what you see is what you get.”
The dictionary definition of credibility is the power to inspire belief. For example, a credible witness is one whom we have reason to believe. Credibility implies a commitment to truth, fairness, and objectivity. In addition, we assign high credibility to people who have clear moral standards and who are known to stick to them.
Be careful not to underestimate the importance of honesty and integrity in the workplace. People who have a track record of being objective and truthful are perceived as more credible than those who don’t. . Conclusions based on scientific or systematic inquiry are more credible than those based on subjective judgments.

According to researchers Kouzes and Posner, the number one trait people are looking for in a leader is honesty. We know from experience that one failure to disclose an important truth can ruin an entire career.

To boost your credibility on this element, consider the following:

• Invest time in clarifying your values and examining your behaviour in light of them
• Make a commitment to consistently tell the truth
• Build a reputation for ethical behaviour
• If you make a mistake, be truthful about it rather than cover it up
• Give credit to colleagues and subordinates for their work
• When you change your stance on a position, do so for objective rather than political reasons


Credibility Element 2: Competence

Experts enjoy a much higher degree of credibility than those who lack expertise. As society’s knowledge expands, we rely more and more on people who can demonstrate deep expertise, often with a narrow focus. We trust experts to understand the scope of an issue or project, to know the right questions to ask, and to know how to find the answers to those questions. In today’s world, there is no credibility without expertise.

Perceived expertise comes from a blend of a person’s education and experience. People with doctoral degrees in a field obviously have more credibility than those who lack a degree. At the same time, people who have “come up through the ranks” or have worked in diverse jobs within an industry are considered to be experts. These folks usually have more perceived expertise than new college graduates.

Expertise turns into competence when it is put to the test. A person earns her/his credibility as competent by succeeding at assignments and projects over time. A track record of successfully applying knowledge and a willingness to continue learning increases perceived credibility.

To boost your credibility on this element, take the following actions:

• If needed, complete your degree or consider the next degree
• Obtain a license to practice or a professional certification appropriate to your field
• Request high-visibility projects to establish a track record
• Ask to participate on task forces with key people in your organisation so they can see your competence firsthand
• Participate in meetings, asking probing questions and making insightful comments
• Attend conferences in your field and engage in continual learning

Credibility Element 3: Sound Judgment

Just as a good friend can be counted on to listen well and encourage you to make wise decisions, a credible person can be counted on to analyse complex situations, ask intelligent questions, and make good decisions. A person with sound judgment usually has both cognitive and intuitive gifts. This person takes a big-picture rather than a myopic view and a long-term rather than a short-term perspective.

An astute CEO, for example, might have a track record of acquiring businesses or creating products just ahead of demand. This person has a track record of correctly anticipating future trends and preparing for them.

To boost your credibility on this element, take the following actions:

• Consider the impact of your decisions on other departments and groups
• Ask others for input into your decisions—especially regarding the impact on them
• Avoid snap judgments
• Be willing to admit mistakes
• Read books and use other media to gain insights by management and relationship specialists
• Stay current on the trends within your industry and company

Credibility Element 4: Relationally Sensitive

People with high credibility know how to ask questions about our values and interests, to listen intently and with empathy, and to pull people together. These are the people with high emotional intelligence to balance the arrogance sometimes comes with high expertise.

A person develops a track record in relationships in the same way that they develop a track record in performance. If they become known for building commitment and cooperation, for being level-headed and fair, everyone will want them on their team.
Those who have the most perceived credibility are usually the ones who are relationally sensitive.

To boost your credibility on this element, take the following actions:

• Demonstrate willingness to learn from others and from your own mistakes
• Demonstrate concern for others’ values, goals, and objectives
• Cultivate the ability to listen well
• Take time to build relationships with informal conversations
• Don’t say something behind a person’s back that you wouldn’t say to their face
• Be generous with credit to colleagues and subordinates
• Take time to understand another’s point of view before refuting or rejecting it

Credibility Element 5: Likeable

Research studies consistently reveal that people respond positively to others whom they like. They trust them, they cooperate with them, they approve their proposals, and they buy from them. Likeability is as important as ability. Successful people balance expertise with likeability. It is a proven formula for success.
One view is that there are four ingredients to likeability:
1. Friendliness,
2. Relevance,
3. Empathy,
4. Realness.
Relevance and empathy are ingredients of relationship sensitivity as described above. Realness, or authenticity, links to integrity, the first element of credibility. Likeability is much more than a feel-good characteristic.

Emotional intelligence guru, Daniel Goleman, and co-authors Boyatzis and McKee, describe the importance of optimism and a lighthearted perspective in the workplace, asserting that leaders who have the ability to express enthusiasm and upbeat emotions attract other people. In their book, Primal Leadership, these researchers put it succinctly:

Research has proven it: Optimistic, enthusiastic leaders more easily retain their people, compared with those bosses who tend toward negative moods.

To boost your credibility on this element, take the following actions:

• Communicate optimistically by describing challenges rather than problems
• Focus on what can be done as opposed to what can’t be done
• Go out of your way to be friendly, even if you aren’t an extravert
• Practice finding the humour around you, especially in stressful situations
• Express gratitude privately, publicly and in writing
• Demonstrate an interest on matters of personal importance to others
• Congratulate others and celebrate their successes
• Credibility is a Package Deal

SUMMARY

No single element described here can guarantee high perceived credibility. After all, an expert without integrity might be a dictator. A likeable person who lacks judgment will make stupid decisions.

People assign you a degree of credibility based on how they rate you on the interaction of the elements of credibility: integrity, expertise, sound judgment, relationship sensitivity, and likeability. Perceived credibility is a package deal. Remember, too, that your credibility is based on observed behaviour, not on your intentions.


CREDIBILITY = Integrity + Competence+ Sound Judgement+ Relational Sensitivity + Likeability 

Other insights :

Being a Trusted Advisor

Insights on Influencing effectively

Listening Skills

Communication Style and Living by Example

Peter Cobbe coaching

  • NOW ACCEPTING NEW CLIENTS : Coaching via Skype / Facetime / 1 to 1 meetingsMy career experience includes HR Director and senior executive roles in Barclays plc and Tesco plc leading major transformation and complex change programmes reporting at Board level .I have an MBA, BA and I am a member of the CIPD and Association for Coaching. I am an accredited coach with over 12 years of private client coaching experience and as an associate consultant with Penna (UK) dealing with career, life,executive and business coaching and counselling. I work in mentoring and coaching partnerships with executives to help achieve gains of importance to them.I help people of all ages, different cultures and job levels to understand more about themselves, their impact on others and how to develop across major dimensions in life.
    I respect the integrity and confidentiality of my clients building on their existing great skills and abilities and evolving enhanced self guidance : ” No one in the world was ever you before, with your particular gifts and abilities and possibilities.”Specialties: Holistic / systemic approach to coaching
    Remote coaching via Skype and Apple Facetime
    Coaching for Executive performance /High Potential including C level
    First 100 days
    Career Coaching/portfolio lifestyle
    Coaching for powerful presentations
    Life Coaching
    Executive advice on staff insight surveys
    Facilitating key meetings and C- level strategic retreats engaging around people decisions that flow from business choices
    Business/HR Strategy ,Change Leadership
    Communications strategy
    Psychometrics,NLP,Emotional Intelligence
    Confidence&Self Esteem
    Creativity coaching
    Independent Consulting propositions coaching
    Non Executive director coaching
    Business Report/White Paper writing
    Graduate career coachingJust a thought :Five frogs are sitting on a log.
    Four decide to jump off. How many are left?

    Answer: five. Why? Because there’s a difference between deciding and doing.

    Mark Feldman

For a free exploratory discussion on 1 to 1 or Group Session coaching contact me on:

petercobbe@coachingcosmos.com

or

via  my Linked In Profile

My personal coaching website:

http://petercobbecoaching.coachingcosmos.com/

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND LEADERSHIP

CLOUD LIGHT WEB

 

The task of the leader is to get his people from where they are to where they have not been.

 

Henry Kissinger

Leadership and Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence may be described as:-

‘The extent to which the individual displays maturity with respect to how they manage their emotions and information in dealing with the world around them’

In the last year or two, the view has emerged that the presence of a high level of Emotional Intelligence, helps to predict successful work behaviour especially for managers and leaders. It has relevance to the selection and career development of people in all organisations.

Emotional Intelligence embraces and draws from many branches of behavioural, emotional and communications theories, such as NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), Transactional Analysis, and empathy. 

 

Daniel Goleman identified the five ‘domains’ of Emotional Intelligence as:

 

  1. Knowing your emotions.
    2. Managing your own emotions.
    3. Motivating yourself.
    4. Recognising and understanding other people’s emotions.
    5. Managing relationships, ie., managing the emotions of others.


The basic proposition is that people who:

  • Are aware of their own emotions and control them
  • Are aware of the emotions of others and
  • Are socially adept

are more likely to achieve success in modern organisations.

Some other definitions are:

To really get on you need to have a high level of Emotional Intelligence; an awareness of your own feelings and empathy with the feelings of others’, Higgs and Dulewicz

‘Emotional Intelligence is the capacity for recognising our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves and for managing emotions effectively in ourselves and others’, Goleman and Boyatzis.

In general, Emotional Intelligence purports to describe abilities which are distinct from, but complementary to, academic intelligence or the purely cognitive capacities measured by IQ.

THE THEORETICAL  4 QUADRANT MODEL

Emotional-Intelligence1


To  explain the model, which describes the development of Emotional Intelligence, begin by thinking about the first quadrant, “Self Awareness”.

Emotional Intelligence begins here, with an awareness of our selves. This incorporates concepts such as being aware of one’s own limitations, being confident of one’s strengths, and being humble enough to admit and learn from mistakes in an open way.

From this base spring the next two quadrants, “Self Management” and “Social Awareness”. The implication is that only when one is self-aware can one begin to manage oneself; also, self-awareness is a requirement if one is to have an awareness of others’ needs and concerns.

Self-Management  or Leadership involves managing one’s emotions and impulses. Inherent in this concept are ideas such as choosing to work for the benefit for others or the company rather than one’s self; setting high standards for ones’ self; being responsible and reliable; and being open and enthusiastic about new ideas. The overall concept is about positive self-control.

Social Awareness involves the development of an awareness of others’ feelings, needs, and concerns. The concept encompasses an interest in others and their well being, and a desire to help them achieve their potential. In the specific area of relating to customers (since almost every role has customers, whether “internal” or “external”), social awareness includes an understanding of, and a desire to satisfy, customers’ needs.

A socially aware person conducts business by developing long-term relationships characterised by reciprocity, among other things. The idea that both parties benefit from this, is an integral assumption for socially aware people.

Finally, social awareness includes the concept of being aware of the mood of a group – a skill sometimes described as political deftness. All these elements of social awareness add up to a picture of someone aware of their social environment, but who may not yet transform this awareness into action.

Behaviour is the domain of the fourth quadrant, for which the second and third quadrants are precursors. Summarised as  Realtionship management or “Social Skills”, the fourth quadrant includes skills such as

  • influencing others;
  • listening openly;
  • communicating clearly;
  • negotiating effectively;
  • inspiring others and leading them towards a goal;
  • building mutually beneficial relationships;
  • and working with others in teams.

These behaviours will be the most obvious outward signs of Emotional Intelligence. Similarly, gaps in outward Emotional Intelligence may have their roots in the other quadrants

 

For customised leadership coaching  and free exploratory chat please contact me – cobbep@coachingcosmos.com


NOW ACCEPTING NEW CLIENTS : Coaching via Skype / Facetime / 1 to 1 meetings

My career experience includes HR Director and senior executive roles in Barclays plc and Tesco plc leading major transformation and complex change programmes reporting at Board level .I have an MBA, BA and I am a member of the CIPD and Association for Coaching. I am an accredited coach with over 12 years of private client coaching experience and as an associate consultant with Penna (UK) dealing with career, life,executive and business coaching and counselling. I work in mentoring and coaching partnerships with executives to help achieve gains of importance to them.I help people of all ages, different cultures and job levels to understand more about themselves, their impact on others and how to develop across major dimensions in life. 

I respect the integrity and confidentiality of my clients building on their existing great skills and abilities and evolving enhanced self guidance : ” No one in the world was ever you before, with your particular gifts and abilities and possibilities.”

Specialties: 

  • Holistic / systemic approach to coaching
  • Remote coaching via Skype and Apple Facetime
  • Coaching for Executive performance /High Potential including C level
  • First 100 days 
  • Career Coaching/portfolio lifestyle
  • Coaching for powerful presentations
  • Life Coaching
  • Executive advice on staff insight surveys
  • Facilitating key meetings and C- level strategic retreats engaging around people decisions that flow from business choices
  • Business/HR Strategy ,Change Leadership
  • Communications strategy
  • Psychometrics,NLP,Emotional Intelligence
  • Confidence&Self Esteem
  • Creativity coaching
  • Independent Consulting propositions coaching
  • Non Executive director coaching
  • Business Report/White Paper writing
  • Graduate career coaching

Just a thought :
Five frogs are sitting on a log.Four decide to jump off. How many are left? 
Answer: five. Why? Because there’s a difference between deciding and doing.
Mark Feldman

 

USEFUL REFERENCES AND LEADS :

MORE ON EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

BOOKS ON EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

BOOKS ON LEADERSHIP

PLUMS WEB